Some superheroes only work the undercard.
The Indy Scene
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2010-08-12
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2010-08-11
INDY SCENE #8
Surprisingly, his finishing move is not called the Jaeger Bomb
“Party Animal” Wally Wilde likes two things: getting totally drunk on shitty beer and getting totally drunk on shitty tequila. He also likes wearing cheap plastic lais from Party City. One could question his motivation as a wrestler, but he’d rather not think about it. There’s way too much drinking in the world to waste time thinking about trivial things like dying of a massive coronary in the ring.
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2010-08-10
INDY SCENE #7
If you’re taking a steady regimen of aspirin to thin your blood and prevent clotting, GIVE ME A HELL YEAH!
Remember that movement a few years ago that called for the older brother of famed wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin to don similar attire and get in the ring? No? Well, it happened, and Bobby Austin has been raising hell and his blood pressure every week in the CREW ring. Which totally beats running the ring crew, which is what he did before he started wrestling. And that’s the bottom line, because Bobby Austin is too winded to say any more.
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INDY SCENE #6
Number one with a mullet
This man doesn’t train with weights or watch his diet or even get a suitable amount of sleep every night. He doesn’t need to do any of that. When you’re rocking as full a mullet as this guy, the wins just pile up naturally. It’s not even fair. With the pace this guy’s follicles are on, he’ll be a world champion any day now.
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INDY SCENE #5
Like father, like creepy, creepy son
Team Eh! is not just Canadian. They’re also father and son. When crystal meth production dried up back home in Saskatoon, the family Eh took to the road, working Tilt-A-Whirl’s and knife shows all over the Great White North, before finally landing in Brew City Wrestling after their van got a flat outside the arena one fateful night. Beating up meth heads turned out to be the perfect training regimen for professional wrestling success. Sure, the sweet release that comes from plunging a butterfly knife in a junkie’s belly is gone, but now Team Eh! is finally wearing gold somewhere other than their mouths.
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INDY SCENE #4
Exceeding talent, receding hairline
Meet Terrific Tony. He’s really great. Not only is he All-Star Wrestling Association’s top heavyweight contender and highest-paid wrestler, he’s also the owner of the company. Sure, the crowd isn’t really getting into his matches… yet. Terrific Tony is trying to bring wrestling back to its golden age, when matches were won with skillful toeholds, second-hand roller rink uniforms, and minimal charisma.
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2010-08-09
INDY SCENE #3
From Death Row Wrestling’s Facebook page: We put on Pro Wrestling shows that are Clean and for the whole Family.
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INDY SCENE #2
I said a CASE of beer!
“Hawkeye” Shane Kody (above) on training for the ring:
“Fuck you! I said a case of beer. A CASE! What am I supposed to do with this queer-ass 18-pack? I can’t even wet my damn lips on this shit! Now get back down to the liquor store, get me a god damn case of cold ones, and don’t forget to bring me back a tin of Skoal, pack of Reds, and a bag of that hickory jerky shit. I’m in the main event tonight!”
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INDY SCENE #1
Dance Dance Reevaluation
This is Dan De Man. The—excuse me, de man loves to dance. But more importantly, he loves bringing joy to the 12 people that came to watch him at the VFW Hall tonight. Sure, he wants their money. He needs it. But he’s going to earn it. Because he’s a star, and if you don’t think so, you should check the kneepads.
